ZENtheRapper: RAP CHRONICLES

I'm ZENtheRapper! I'm Glad You're Here!

A little bit of background about me…

I am ZEN.

ZENtheRapper.

I named myself this through an intense process of self-discovery during my time studying History at The University of Illinois. My studies were interrupted by some mental health reckoning in the form of 8 months featuring extended stays in Psych Wards, navigating diagnoses of Bipolar Disorder, Schizophrenia, and Chronic Depression. As I was working to discover my self more truthfully, it seemed increasingly clear that the mental health system was interested in rendering me subservient to a lifelong regimen of psychiatric medication and a narrow (racist) range of acceptable behavior.

I had a dream during one of my extended stays in those behavior camps. In that dream, I was wearing a gaudy chain. It read “CITIZEN.”

Growing up as the only black child in most of my classes, attending predominantly white private schools from Pre-K through High School, I must have nurtured this kind of dream along the way - seeking acceptance into broader (white) society, my strategy being to impress and earn some kind of approval through high grades.

Well, that kind of approval was a fool’s dream from the beginning, unfortunately.

My experience growing up was marked by alienation. I felt alienated at school because no matter how much my teacher’s encouraged me and how successful I was in school, I was too black for the white kids. And then all my efforts trying to impress them, rendered me too white for my black family at home, and too white to find black friends in my neighborhood.

Right around the time I was set to graduate from The University of Illinois, having ostensibly overcome that traumatic epoch of hospitalizations that plagued my Sophomore Year, I set out in the direction of My Dream. I was graduating with a degree in History. Getting ready to be launched into the workforce, I was inspired to use my knowledge and degree to contribute to society in a way that I could stomach. My idea at that time was to become a Citizen Historian.

Unfortunately, my career advisors advised me that no one was really hiring for this kind of job. At least not at a rate much above minimum wage, or for anyone without an advanced history degree. But, according to their advice, I could have opportunity for a progressive wage career by trying to use my communication and critical analysis skills to land a communications-based job in a technology company (I had experience doing tech support work during school). When graduation finally did come came, I was engaging with these academic ideas of “Playful Design,” and of “Citizen Historian-ship,” while trying to figure out how to secure that “communications-guy-in-the-tech-company” gig.

I somehow got a job at this new Design Company that my school was launching called “Siebel Center For Design.” They were looking for “Design Interns” to do projects based on Human-Centered-Design paradigms. The big thing was we would be doing highly collaborative projects, predicated on interview-based research. It was kind of like being a “Citizen Historian” with the interview part, and I learned quickly that Human-Centered-Design was in the same cul-de-sac as the Playful Design Paradigm.

I really loved that job. I did awesome work there, and more than anything, my creativity was UNLOCKED through being thoroughly inspired by my coworkers. I talked about the effect this had on me extensively in this interview article I did in 2022.

I learned that I had some creative muscle there! Before, I was moreso pidgeon-holed into being “the smart kid,” though looking back over my childhood, I always had a creative streak, supported or not. But here. Here, I had the opportunity to explore my creative mind and expand my creative horizons. Importantly, I also had my first experiences working with children using Hip-Hop pedagogies. Children would go on to represent an innocence and a love for life that my early adulthood experiences threatened to take from me. I write this, just having quit my job as an Elementary School Music Teacher, where I was able to connect this symbolic understanding of children’s joy with some impactful tangible experiences; being their teacher as ZENtheRapper… being a compelling source of inspiration for them as an academically successful dreamchaser.

I have been a Rapper for about 4 years now. ZENtheRapper was initially conceptualized as a more vocally fluent shortening of CITIZEN (my initial rap name). It still carries those connotations of citizen-historianship, of trying to find my place in society where I can use my intelligence and I can live a life worth living, a life a service, and increasingly so, a life of art and creation.

Shortly after being interviewed for that culture magazine above - Smile Politely - I became a writer for them! I began doing concert reviews and artist interviews on a “Hip-Hop” beat, which at the time, they were sorely missing, though working hard to develop. I’ve been interviewing people really since I graduated from College, and interviewing artists since I started rapping.

Here’s an interview I did with KPDARULA that kick-started my Hip-Hop journey in Norfolk, Virginia, where I had moved to shortly after graduating: VOILA!

As a Hip-Hopper, as ZENtheRapper, I create in the tradition of Knowledge Rappers, of Message Rappers, the like of KRS-One, and all the impactful and eclectic artists that comprised the Native Tongues Collective from the 80’s and 90s. But further than that, I create in the tradition of Ancient Philosophers like Socrates, Plato, and Diogenes. In other words, my philosophical (slash historical) work cannot be hidden away in the comforts of the Ivory Tower. I am beholden by a call to action. A call to study and learn through experience and trial. To live my principles, and test them endlessly through my living… and through my rapping.

SO.

These are my RAP CHRONICLES. My story, my musings, my theories… told in real time. I’m bringing you along on my journey. My music, which I have styled as “Mystical Boombap,” often seeks to entertain through a mystification, with literary tools of irony and tension being at the fore. But here, this will be where I can elucidate the ideas that I touch on in my music. This will be my platform for Citizen-Historian-ship. My way to bless the world through the pursuit of knowledge and wisdom.

I will share philosophical essays mostly, to expound on catalytic ideas I have at the intersection of hip-hop culture and my ongoing independent studies of the universe (through readings of history, philosophy, and mythology, mostly). I will also be sharing exclusive interview materials from artists I have the privilege to sit down with. I have been rapping for four years now, with mild success in terms of creative output and popularity. This is my strategy to monetize what I bring to the world, so that I may live more authentically, not having to work a 9-5 to continue to finance my dreams of Knowledge and Music. I’ve come a long way on my journey. I’m excited to welcome you in; we’ve got a long way still to go. Thanks for being here.